I moved my journalling off this site because I felt it was too unprofessional. That I’d get judged for the thoughts I had; feeling that I had to sanitize myself, mask my feelings, hide who I am. I’ve done it my whole life. It’s hard to get ahead when you’re dragging an anchor behind you in the form of self-sabotage. If you’ve read my previous entries, you know where it comes from. It’s a part of me – I struggle with it constantly. That feeling of not being normal and trying to mold yourself into something that is normal instead of celebrating what doesn’t make you dull, lifeless and uninspired.

I suppose it’s one of those “grass is always greener” type deals. The ones who are ordinary want to feel extraordinary and vice versa. I’ve always battled with that – my reasoning, vision, creativity is supposed to be a blessing, but it feels like a curse. The more I think of things, the more my logic fails me. I just want to turn of my brain sometimes.

But if I turn off my brain, will it kill my creativity? Am I failing to see that the noise is actually music… and does have structure and a rhythm?

I’m no stranger to making noise. I guess this is my way of saying that I’m turning up the amps again and blowing out the speakers.