I won’t lie – I go through episodes where I’m feeling great, energetic, and motivated. Then I go through periods of low energy, sadness, anger and worthlessness. I sought the help of a therapist months ago. It was determined that I didn’t have depression or anxiety or bi-polar disorder. I had symptoms native to each issue (they overlap,) but I only had to deal with my anger and get in a state of better health to take care of these issues that plague me.
I had a big long venting, style blog and I just erased it. You don’t need to know the details. You just need to understand that when I disappear, it’s not because I’ve forgotten or fell out of love. I physically can’t put my fingers to the keyboard, or pencil to paper, stylus to board.
The good thing is, these tools will always be there. And supporters will too. I thank you all for that.
I’m starting to feel a bit better after a few really bad days. So, now, instead of trying to figure out a polite and contrite way to say what happened, I’m just going to take the time and make something. Because I’m fighting through this dark haze of insecurity and sadness and failure, and I want to have something to show for it.
I was in the pit. Now I’m crawling out of it.